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Hey all,
I am sorry for the long hiatus and the exit with no warning
I was struggling through some mental things and really needed help.
Now that I have sorted some demons, and figured some things out, I am feeling like I can finally get back into my world of words and art. Its kind of shocking how dreadful ones mind can be. Life was very unkind to me last year, and things went from bad to worse. I was having cancer scares, and biopsy after biopsy, and i was getting sicker and sicker, and depressed and lonely. I stopped writing. I stopped talking and texting and communicating. I slept all day, and cried all night.
Things are finally looking up. I am clear from the cervical cancer. They gave me the ok...so I get tested next year. No more biopsies after 2 years of them, and countless LEEP procedures. Ouch.
I beg for the grace of forgiveness to those of you who have been wounded by my leave. It was never personal or intentional. My aim, was to save myself. Now that I have seen a therapist and have begun medication, I can truly say that my mind is not so spastic. Judge me if you wish
I send you all love.
I have missed you
I am sorry for the long hiatus and the exit with no warning
I was struggling through some mental things and really needed help.
Now that I have sorted some demons, and figured some things out, I am feeling like I can finally get back into my world of words and art. Its kind of shocking how dreadful ones mind can be. Life was very unkind to me last year, and things went from bad to worse. I was having cancer scares, and biopsy after biopsy, and i was getting sicker and sicker, and depressed and lonely. I stopped writing. I stopped talking and texting and communicating. I slept all day, and cried all night.
Things are finally looking up. I am clear from the cervical cancer. They gave me the ok...so I get tested next year. No more biopsies after 2 years of them, and countless LEEP procedures. Ouch.
I beg for the grace of forgiveness to those of you who have been wounded by my leave. It was never personal or intentional. My aim, was to save myself. Now that I have seen a therapist and have begun medication, I can truly say that my mind is not so spastic. Judge me if you wish
I send you all love.
I have missed you
Devious Journal Entry
I so badly wish I had a cigarette. I am drinking red wine, listening to the breathing of my little Mina as she dreams. I wish that I had such a simple life as a Dog. My tears cannot seem to cease, I can't think straight.
What am I doing? I wish I knew. How can someone who is confused and lost be taken seriously? How does one verbalize the words that hymn inside the heart? Words have no concrete. Words have no justice. Words are just letters that are mushed together with a dictated meaning.
I so desperately want to lay down and sleep. Wrap myself up, and never wake up
Devious Journal Entry
I have lost my touch with words lately. I think part of it relates to how deflated and defeated I feel.
I just don't care about anything right now.
I am great at being happy for others, and for playing a long with what people want to see. But in reality, I just want someone to sit with me, hold me, and watch movies with. I want a friend to trust. To lean on and be with. While I love my friends on here, its not enough. I can't see you. I can't hug you. While I adore and love you guys, I need more that just a computer friendship. It's lonely, as I am sure some of you can agree with. But what is seeming to be more difficult is my isolation and
haitus
wow. I have not been on here in a very VERY long time. Lets just say that life has taken a toll, and I am very much tired and very anti-social. I have been very sick too. From time to time, I have to enlist the aid of a cane for mobility, that comes and goes with "flare-up" days. After taking some anti-flare pills, the swelling in my hips has gone away, and I haven't used the cane at all. Very proud of myself for pushing it even when it hurts like a mofo. :)
In sept, My grandfather passed away :( It was heartbreaking. First we lost Ken, and now grampa. This year has been utter sh*t. I could go on about the trauma from both, but lets face the
You sick FUCK
You are a demented and sick bastard
You have NO claim to me
No right to my flesh
no title of "friend"
You are not my friend...you abused that when you abused me
You are NOT my accomplice in innocent fun...
You are a predator
A fake..A lie
You and your delusions of joy and smiles are all self denials
All you may EVER have of me is a memory, because you and I were never more then we are now.
You used me and exploited me
You tore my sanity into shreds and raped my purity from love. You made me afraid. You made me nervous
You make me want to vomit
I write venomously to you, and promise you this:
You will NEVER have anything to do wi
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Comments8
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I hope you're doing well... those demons are gone - and you're back to awesomeness. It's been too long since we've caught up.. hopefully soon again!